


결혼식 (your wedding)

by bowiesuncle (hikarinanao)



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 17:25:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14025075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikarinanao/pseuds/bowiesuncle
Summary: A man was invited to his best friend's wedding. This was his message to his friend—his friend, whom he loved.





	결혼식 (your wedding)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song Your Wedding by Jun. K.
> 
> [Listen to the song for a better reading experience](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykLspPsNYtY) (comes with english subs.)

_Hi._

_Sorry I just left without saying anything._

_You looked great today. You looked pretty. I would've picked you a better suit, but then again, you don't need my help anymore._

_Gosh, I'm really starting this on a great note, aren't I? This is pathetic._

_Truthfully, I really didn't feel like coming today, but you don't deserve that. You deserve an amazing evening surrounded by your best friends. That includes me, apparently. It's amazing how we still remain like this, despite everything... I want to say "everything we've been through", but you didn't go through anything. Only I did. I dragged myself into this mess and I'm suffering for it. My heart says you're cruel, but you aren't. You're not at all cruel. I'm just being unreasonable._

_Before coming today, I really thought. Hard. Will I be able to see you? Will I be able to be happy there for you? Will I be able to congratulate you? But there's that thing again: you don't deserve that. It's good that I came, and I'm glad I got to congratulate you because that's what you would've wanted. Us, the four of us, side by side. That's how we looked in the pictures. I was standing behind you, in the back right corner, and that's what you would've wanted. I'm glad I could give that to you._

_They're laughing. They're all laughing and smiling. They're so happy for you, and I want to be too, but_

_How can I? Tell me, how can I be happy for you? You looked so pretty, but you weren't looking that pretty for me. You're looking pretty for someone else._

_I tried to hold it in back there, I really tried, I tried so hard. I can't ruin your day. You don't deserve that. And now I'm thinking, this will also ruin your day, me leaving earlier will also ruin your day, but I just can't. I can't what? I don't know. I don't know anymore, I_

_It's selfish, isn't it? This whole thing. This, what I did, how I acted, this is all selfish and I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I don't intend to hurt you. Fuck, I'm hurting you, aren't I? I'm so sorry._

_Don't feel bad for me. It's really not you. It's me. It's me who can't just let go of these stupid feelings and it's me who just can't stop loving you. It's me who is a selfish bastard. The other guys will probably hate me for this, too. It's okay. I deserve being hated by you guys, even though I don't know how I will continue without you guys in my life, but it's totally understandable by me if this is the end, it's okay. I was a dick. I'm a dick. Call me all the nasty things, because that is me._

_Is this really unreasonable, though? Isn't this unfair? I've always been by your side this whole time. When you got your diagnosis. Your first time administering your medicine shot. When you got Bowie. You are the one I tell all my secrets to. You're the one who taught me how to love. You are the one I love the most and I shower you with my love every day._

_Then again, she also showers you with love every day, and maybe her love is just the one you prefer. She loves you. You love her. You look great with her. A match, perfect fit, unlike you and me._

_I'm drinking myself to oblivion and this is stupid but I glance at the door with every glass I down. I'm not drinking to get shitfaced drunk. I'm not drinking so I can forget. I'm not drinking because I want to let go. I'm drinking with the hope that you'd call me like always, ask me where I am like always, barge into the club like always, drive me home like always. I'm drinking with the hope that I can see you, that you would_

_It's dumb. It'll never happen. It's your special day. It's one day where you don't have to worry about me, and you shouldn't. You should enjoy your wedding day. I'm selfish. I hope you're happy, I hope you're having a great time, I hope_

_I miss you. I miss you, I miss you and I need you so much please come here please come here and see me I'm so sorry. I'm so_

 

* * *

  

 

Saved as draft.

 

Delete draft? _Yes._

 

New message.

 

_Sorry! Gotta head back early. There's a bit of a situation at the apartment._

_Enjoy the rest of the night. :)_

 

Sent to: Zach Kornfeld.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This song remains maybe my favorite K-ballad of all time, it's so sad and good ㅠㅠ
> 
> First time writing zagene and it's a nasty nasty angst. Off to a great start aren't we!  
> Writing this was also an act of protest because you tryceratops are all on tumblr! which! is! blocked in my stupid country. And because I am blocked from all that content I decided to make my own, gov officials can smd
> 
> I have twitter but it's a kpop stan acc lmao... you can hit me up at my [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/donggeun), I guess, if you want, you can even drop prompts or sth


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